Writing a New Something for Later by Jack Stacey

A new hairdresser came on set of a Johnny Depp film I wish I could work on.

Big fan, huge crush ‘n that.

Mr. Edward Scissorhands, Captain Sparrow

Gilbert fucking Grape,

don’t introduce him while she’s got to cut his hair,

meet him before hair cut day.

Might trim off his head otherwise.

 

You can’t go round trimming off Johnny Depp’s head.

Someone might notice.

Can’t show Johnny Depp his new do either:

the new no-head hairstyle.

That’s all Tim Burton needs,

another headless horseman film, starring Johnny Depp.

They’d have to adjust the script slightly.

That’s where I come in… I’ve written everything, of course!

I’d say, ‘hey, 

I’ve got a Johnny Depp no-head friendly story 

already in the pipeline.

Let’s talk numbers.’

 

I’d reassure hairdresser, no head, no problem.

Everyone digs Johnny Depp.

I imagine he’d still say something cool like,

‘these people, they aren’t born yet…’

That’s so Johnny Depp.

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Follow Jack on Twitter at @jstacey32