Camouflage by Bharti Bansal

Sometimes my face reeks of the disappointments
As if someone will look at me
And tell in an instant that I have wanted to die in the past
As if someone will pass by me
And the sweat of my body will tell him about how I coughed when I put my mother’s stole around my neck like a noose
As if one day people will recognise
That I carry my depression like an accolade
For this is the only thing that has shaped me into who I am today
I have cut my hair short
Worn that tank top
Applied a red lipshade
And painted my nails black
To tell the world that this is passive aggressive form of resistance
That I challenge the world this way
Who challenges me every time I step out of my house
And look at my breasts which are too big for my body
This way I have kept myself grounded
To tell everyone that gravity becomes over-hyped the day your own thoughts start weighing you down
That two bodies don’t collide on earth the same way in space
Because people know it creates a mess
Being entangled in somebody else’s emotions
That when electron and positron meets
Only destruction happens
What I mean is, there is a reason why I have no friends
That one day these energies will align and nothing will be in sync anymore
That one day weightlessness will make sense
Depression will find it’s meaning
And I would not need to hide myself in the camouflage of blue specks anymore
I will wear black, vantablack void
Not red and yellow to avoid looking miserable in greys
I will walk that land on earth
Meant to be walked upon by my footsteps
With my breast bouncing
Unafraid of being leered at
My tongue will slip out words like “fuck you”
And I wont be sorry anymore
One day
I will not hold back my tears while sitting in a metro
And say “excuse me” as I sigh out loud depression in one fitful cough of agony
What I mean is
That I will shed this skin
Covering my flaws
And actually bare myself
For the world to see
That the strongest bone in my body
Has always been my mind

Follow Bharti on Instagram at @bhartiii__